Posted on by JAMES HSU

12 Healthy Snacks for Stoners (Guide)

Hungry but don’t have the time for a full meal? Healthy snacking is the key to speedy metabolism, energy and endurance. Here is a list of healthy snacks that stoners will enjoy:

1. Beef Jerky

Extremely high in protein and low in fat, beef jerky is probably the ultimate stoner snack. Bring your bag of beef jerky to your next smoking session and watch how fast that bag gets passed around. Get them in bulk at a place like Costco because the small bags you get at the gas station can be way overpriced.

2. Fruit Smoothies

Fruit smoothies are the healthiest way to satisfy your sweet tooth. They’re delicious and the nutritional benefits (protein, fiber) of the fruits outweigh all of the sugar used.

3. Breakfast Cereal

Cereal is good for any time of the day but it’s perfect for a midnight snack because it won’t bloat your stomach before you go to sleep. Choose one with lots of fiber and add your favorite fruits and nuts to it for extra benefits. Remember to drink water after because water and fiber are homies.

4. Carrots and Hummus

Combining baby carrots with a dip like hummus is good idea because it’s high in nutrients and will satisfy your hunger. If you love hummus but hate vegetables, use toasted flat bread instead. You won’t get the benefit of a carrot but can still enjoy the protein from the hummus.

5. Tapioca Pudding

If you’re craving something creamy and sweet, go for Tapioca Pudding. It doesn’t really have any health benefits but it keeps the unhealthy ingredients to a minimum.

6. Waffles with Nutella Chocolate

This is the low budget version of stoner dessert favorite, Crepes with Nutella chocolate and sliced bananas. The wheat waffle is healthier than a crepe, providing you with protein and fiber. The chocolate doubles as an antioxidant and aphrodisiac, keeping you healthy and horny.

7. Cashews

Who doesn’t love cashews? You can throw them in almost anything but eating them alone is enough to give you a healthy boost. Eating two handfuls will raise your body’s levels of iron and magnesium.

8. Instant Oatmeal

Oatmeal has a ton of fiber to give you healthy dumps. Top it with berries or banana slices along with some nuts for a mega powerful healthy snack.

9. Protein Bar

When you have to skip a meal, consider a protein bar because there are enough vitamins and nutrients in a protein bar to be a substitute for a meal. We don’t recommend making your daily lunch consist of two protein bars but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

10. Tortilla Chips and Salsa

Get a bag of multi colored tortilla chips, they’re more flavorful than the regular kind. Eating the chips with your favorite salsa provides you with protein and fiber. If you find yourself eating too many, regulate your body with fiber filled fruit like an apple.

11. Frozen Banana Slices

Dice up an overripe banana into slices and freeze them overnight. You can eat them plain as a tasty healthy snack but if you’re really stoned, top them with Nutella chocolate spread or chocolate syrup.

12. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

Upgrade your PJ sandwich by using natural peanut butter which has more protein and none of the extra preservatives that regular peanut butter has. Instead of using jelly from a jar, smash some blackberries, blueberries, or raspberries in between the bread.

26 Replies to “12 Healthy Snacks for Stoners (Guide)”

  1. this is a great way for stoners to get fat a little slower… but instant oatmeal? ….tortillas? even the fruit smoothy ….the sugars and excess carbs in most of these really aren’t good for anyone, unless you’re going to do an hour of high intensity weightlifting 2-3 hours afterward. Stoners aren’t going to get their butts up and do anything to exert themselves, they’re going to eat and then fall asleep and get even fatter. I really hope that stoners don’t actually read your list and believe it.

    1. Don’t throw stoners under one umbrella of the lazy and unmotivated. Lazy people will be lazy, with or without the plant. Our main focus is to change the negative perception of stoners. Not all stoners are couch bound burnouts, they’re open minded people who are into awesome stuff like astronomy, philosophy and the evolution of society. Please browse our Health section, we’re trying to promote a positive stoner lifestyle instead of what you usually see in the media. 

  3. I am a nutritionist and these are not healthy snacks… they are very tasty snacks but not all of them are healthy.

    1. I think you’re missing the point at possibly have never been stoned before. A stoned person will eat a big bag of chips + 2 chocolate bars + ice cream + 2lbs of gummy bears. So these are, in fact, healthy alternatives. This isn’t a nutritionist thread. Noone is offering advice for being shredded on an 8 week program. It’s a stoners guide to not consuming 6,000 calories at midnight.

      2. Kudo’s Taylor!!! Tell it like it is and I might add that frozen purple grapes are an ultimate stoner snack!

  4. Wow you must suck at your job Vasodebarro. Only thing that would be considered unhealthy could be the waffles and beef jerky(unsure about the pudding). However you can home make some beef jerky without all the salt or substitute for whole grain waffles… Other then that I think your insane.

  5. Or better yet, when you’re incredibly stoned, combine 11 and 12 all whilst adding nutella. 

  7. Everyting on this list is way better then fast food or cookies etc. So…I would imagine this is a healthy snack for STONERS. Not health nuts that want to nit pick at EVERYTHING. Just sayin.

  9. I shall have to give these scrumptious suggestions a whirl the next time I meet errl and hopefully it will be so tight. But if instead I must go to bed then I shall wish all a good night.
    Yeah we’re a bunch of lazy people, who do nothing all day but sit, eat, and shit. But if you gave it a try you’d surely not die and maybe you’d like it a bit.

    1. This is how I feel about the cashews. Love them, but baked they’re sort of like eating saw dust.

  11.     I am both a stoner and a nutritionist and very few are healthy options, but i can tell you why.
    Jerky can be great, but only if you use grass-fed meats and jerk them yourselves, sparing the high amounts of sodium/preservatives that will be kickin it in the store-bought shit meat.
    Fruit smoothies can be fantastic! Unless you use organic fruits though you are just drinking chemicals, courtesy of Monsanto.
    Breakfast cereals are nearly all unhealthy, simply due to the fact that %99 of them contain gluten/gliodin, the proteins in wheat that cause inflammation in every human being with a non-robotic digestive system. So if you are not a robot and care to prevent disease, skip the wheat. On the other end, many gluten-free options are made corn, which, in it’s organic form, is still not great for the human digestive system. Unless specifically stated on some box of cereal from a specialty store you can safely assume that the corn used is genetically modified, GMO, and will actively work towards causing diabetes via the combination of a massive insulin spike (corn is a starch) and the “food-like-items” that Monsanto pumps out.
    Carrots and hummus is a FRIGGIN AWESOME idea, but again, if the ingredients are not organic you are slowly, gently fucking yourself to a diseased climax, but that is your choice!
    Tapioca pudding, you stated it was not healthy, in the description of the “healthy” food. Come on.
    Waffles with nutella= wheat (generally) and sugars. Nutella is not a natural product, do the research if you care. You can TOTALLY make healthy waffles though, coconut flour exists! And a mixture of raw almond butter, cacao powder, raw honey, and hazelnuts will satisfy that creamy chocolatey desire. Chocolate is healthy for you, but have you ever had real healthy chocolate? If it is not %100 cacao you are ingesting added bullshit, so watch out!
    Cashews? Awesome, raw, organic, unsalted.
    Oatmeal? SO GOOD FOR YOU, but instant is crap, try organic whole oats.
    There is not a single protein bar on the market that is good for you. Feel free to challenge me on this one along with everything else I say obvi.
    Chips? No. Salsa can be healthy but if you care, scan the ingredients.
    Bananas are the Snicker bars of nature, containing shit tons of sugar, simple carbs, and low levels of potassium. They are not the devil by any means, but your body will react in the way it does to a natural candy bar.
    Instead of using peanut butter for your sandwich try different nut butters. Peanuts are not nuts, they are legumes, and they contain the wrong type of saturated fat and will raise the acidity of your body. PH levels count, if you care.
    I am not looking to tell anyone what to do ever, unless they ask of course. I like to inform, let you decide what you want for your life. I love cannabis and food, and it loves me back.

    1. Thanks for your sharing your nutrition tips. Although we appreciate your advice, this list was meant for stoners who just want better alternatives to pizza and burgers. It would be nice to have a super clean and organic diet but we have to take some baby steps first.

    2. Oh oh, it’s one of those alarmist “everyone is going to die because every single food on the planet is poison” conspiracy theorists.

  12. These are absolutely wonderful snacks.  And I am glad these are all considered healthy.

  13. Snickers bar is healthier than store-bought protein bars. Beef Jerky is loaded with sugar and sodium. Waffles and nutella are definitely not healthy along with breakfast cereal. Hello tortilla chips and tapioca, I don’t know who the hell considers this healthy but it’s usually the unhealthy who think like this.

  14. Currently stoned and munching on Bear Naked granola with banana chips, walnuts and almonds to kill the temptation to get cookies and/or cinnamon roll, but now I want bananas

    1. Have you eaten the grapes frozen??? Omgosh, so amazing. Like the best grape popsicle you have ever eaten. 🙂

  16. Salt and pepper pistachios. Frozen grapes. Sugar free jello. Celery and hummus with “everything but the bagel” seasoning. Quinoa with adobe seasoning. Olive oil popcorn. Scoops of nut butter and fruit jam, no breads.

    All organic! One stop shop if you go to Trader Joe’s which is my personal go to.

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